Brahmasāyujya
By Ruman Neupane | Poetry & Reflection
Brahmasāyujya is not the union I sought;
It is the collapse of vectors,
The last equation where parallel lines bleed into a single asymptote,
Not by will but by exhaustion.
I searched for you
The way a dying star searches for its own light,
Its photons already gone,
Arriving centuries later to eyes
That no longer exist.
We are not separate,
We are not one;
We are two waveforms
Out of phase—
Our crests missing,
Our troughs overlapping
In a silence so loud it burns the ether.
Is-ness was Sat.
You were Sat, my Love.
But Sat is not Being—
Sat is the residue of Being
After Being annihilates itself.
Too close, you were a singularity;
Too far, you were cosmic microwave background.
I stood somewhere between
Planck time and oblivion,
Measuring you with instruments
Calibrated by longing—
Failing, always failing.
I am the defective artifact
In God's laboratory.
It's true: I am not the whole.
I am defect, useless,
A particle that tunneled out of His perfect wavefunction,
A half-written theorem scribbled in the margins of His boredom.
This is not farewell, my dear.
It is absence—
Absence not like a room emptied,
But like the vacuum between atoms,
The non-space that holds form together.
That space of ours
Holds our hearts together.
People don't leave—
They refract.
They bend light around their departure
Until what's left is only the mathematics of their shadows
Projected on the inner wall of my skull.
I know now—
Love was not a dialogue;
It was a field equation:
Unsolved, divergent,
Infinitely approaching zero
But never touching.
We search for eternity—
That line, that love,
That corridor
Where we can drift for aeons together.
1 On Union
2 The Science of Longing
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